ZULFIQAR, I SAYANG YOU! ;D cintaku forever

Monday, July 20, 2009

so much of these and that..

"i tried my very best to tell myself that my bestest friend
hid everything from me,not because she wants to but because she has no choice,
as her boyfriend is part of eveything too and as a girlfriend,
its her responsibility to cover fer the boyfriend even though it means
hurting her own best friend.i thought i wasn't hurt,
and then i realised and remembered that i was the one
who introduced themselves to each other,
just to see the light of happiness in their eyes once again,
and know how its like to be with someone so true."

Well, I guessed what I did was really wrong.
You said you understood.
And there you were saying that this best friendship wouldn't end for the littlest/lamest reason.
I felt guilty and that was why I left on that day.
Well, you don't and you won't know how I felt exactly.
I don't even know how thing's gonna be like after this.
The fact that I realised we were no longer best friends from someone hurt me real bad.
The fact that you chose not to reply hurts me more.
The fact that I had to see that in your blog hurt me real much.

And to you,
I'm sorry.
I'm not deliberately trying to hurt you by doing this to you.
I just want you to realise and understand how much you mean to me.
Yeah, my mistakes for not always showing how much i love and care but that doesn't mean that I don't.
I don't blame you for reacting the way you did, though.
And seriously, you're not a boring person. Not at all and it never, and i mean, NEVER ever crossed my mind that you are.
And if you want to know, when I was in 857 with you and Apai, whilst sitting right beside you, I was thinking about how god had sent me just the right person to be with whom I hope would last with me throughout my whole life.

Do you know how much you mean to me?
Do you know how much I don't want to lose you?
Do you know how much I care for you?
Do you know how much I love you?
Do you know how much I can't stop thinking of you, be it on the way to school, at school, when I'm eating, I'm on the net and when I'm asleep as I dream of you, and even now, at this very moment.
Do you know much I long for your call each night the moment I'm done washing up after going out with you.
Do you know how much I waited patiently for all your calls each morning when it comes weekend?
Do you know how much I love receiving all your sweet goodnight messages?
Do you know how much I treasure every single moment when I'm with you?
Do you know how hurt I am now for not picking up your calls?
Do you know how much I long for your voice now? :(

Sigh. Is this of any use? Would anybody hear me out now?
Does anybody even care about how I feel now?

And if you have to know, the reason why I sent him so many smiley face was just to comfort myself. I lost a best friend, if you didn't realise. For goodness sake, my 8-year-long bestfriend.
The least you could do is to make me feel better sayang, and not react that way. I was indeed upset:(
Bby, we've been through for more than two months now.
I'm sure we can do this.

Well, I don't know what's gonna happen next.
Everyone's gonna hate me soon.
Well, I deserve it.

I'm sorry,
to whoever it may concern.

hurt.

Labels: i'm sorry